Did you look up one day and realize that most of the relationships in your life were just a shadow of what they used to be? Have you reduced contact with family members and old friends? Are you having trouble remembering the last guy/girl’s night out? Alienation is very real and is intentional. You see, if you only have a relationship with the BPD in your life and your other relationships are shells of their former selves, then you will be less likely to leave. Healthy outside relationships are dangerous because it’s an avenue of escape. And we just can’t have that now, can we?
I was alienated from my family in subtle ways. I was told that my parents said mean and hurtful things and didn’t think my BPD spouse was doing a very good job with the kids. I was fed this over and over and, for some unknown reason, I believed it. And, trying to be a good husband, I chose my wife’s side. If my parents couldn;t respect her, then our relationship could not be as it was. Of course I found out later that much of it was simply fabricated and that it was mostly projection of her feelings onto them. Sorry mom and dad.
I witnessed another situation where a couple were about to be married and before the wedding, she wanted him to sign a contract that he would not visit his family without her being present! Supposedly this was to keep the family from saying bad things about her and since they were going to be a family, they should visit as a family. Why he didn’t run away as fast as he could is disappointing. But now they’re married and have a child. I hate to think how this one is going to look in 15-20 years.