I recently read a post on a forum that described what is commonly referred to as mirroring. The persons described how, when they first met their partner, they were sure the person was the right one for them because they had so much in common. Their partner liked the same things they liked: food, music, activities, political leanings, etc. It just seemed so perfect because you found the person with whom you were completely compatible. But for people with a personality disorder, this is not a reflection of who they really are. Rather, the act of mirroring is an attempt to gain acceptance and safety in a relationship. If the person is as close to you as possible, likes the things that you like, then the likelihood will increase that you will accept that person and not reject or bandon that person. it’s the very crux of BPD. Fear of abandonment trumps everything. The person with BPD has a deeply flawed sense of self. The lack of self-esteem makes them feel unloveable and unworthy. If they were to expose their try nature, you, nor anybody, would love them or accept them. By mirroring, the person with BPD believes they can avoid rejection and abandonment by becoming whoever they need to be to be acceptable. I believe these behaviors are sincere in that they believe they can be the person you want them to be…and they can, at least for a period of time. But eventually, the facade begins to crumble and the true self comes to the forefront. When this happens, the person with BPD is exposed and the partner in the relationship is befuddled and confused. This often happens immediately after the relationship is sealed (throught marriage, the birth of children, etc) while sometimes it happens much later. But eventually it happens because no one can continue with the facade forever. So if you BPD partner seems to be so compatible with you in the early stages, they are! But in understanding mirroing and the reasons behind it, we can see the true intentions of the BPD partner.